It's been 8 weeks now since I came home. Overall though, it feels like an eternity.
Was it everything I thought it would be? Yes. Was it even more than that? Definitely. Did it change me? How could it have not. Am I the same person I was? Not in the slightest. Am I a bit broken? Slightly. Was it worth it? Without a doubt.
This blog was intended to be a place where my weekly emails would be posted so friends, family, and strangers could read about my life as a missionary. However, that didn't happen for multiple reasons. So instead, rather than turning off the blog and never allowing it to become something, I've decided to make it a reflection blog-- a recovery room of sorts-- for the RM in me who doesn't quite know who she is anymore. I feel like missionaries come home and rarely reflect publicly on what happened to them in the field. While I intend to keep sacred things private and share special moments with discretion, I think you deserve to know what can happen to a missionary. I'm not talking about gruesome details of life and death because the world knows enough about danger. Rather, I think the world deserves to know what the refining process can be like for a Sister Missionary who does/did everything she could to give her soul over to God. Maybe this blog is for you; maybe it's more for me. Either way, goodness is shared, people are uplifted, and burdens are buried.
Is the Book of Mormon true? Yes it is. Does it and the restored gospel change lives? Absolutely. Did it change mine? Undoubtedly. Did Joseph Smith see Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ? YES. Do I know Jesus? Yes. Yes I do. And how? How do I know these things? That's what we are going to discover together using memories from my personal journal, letters I sent home, and other artifacts from my life away from here. The work of a missionary is God's work, but so is becoming who He wants you to become. So who was I supposed to be? Who am I supposed to become? Only God knows.